A victory and a reflection

There's something terribly scary about going the do-it-yourself route. I did in fact publish my book for the Kindle on Amazon using their little Kindle Publishing bit. It's in review now, and will be available to buy (with any luck) for $.99 in 12 to 48 hours. But, let's take a step back first because I'm pretty sure this is what shock feels like.

Yesterday I decided that today was my deadline to publish my book. It's been written for ages, I finished editing it, formatting it, the works. I decided I needed a cover. I went to art school yes, but I have not drawn anything in years. Luckily I have art friends that actually DO draw and do it well. Unfortunately, as I am also a horrible procrastinator, I decided I needed a cover in approximately 24 hours. Thank god for Ashley because not only did she do it but she did it beautifully.

So, now we have book, cover, synopsis, keywords, tags, the works. And I discover I am too scared to hit the publish button. Wait. What? I've been working on this damn book for over a year, the entire goal was to get published or do it my damn self, and now my damn self is too scared to do it? Why exactly? Because I was worried that once it was published and people read it, that it would be horrible. Or that I'd never get picked up and then I could never write again and then I'd just have to be a crazy cat lady and start hoarding coffee tins or something equally uninteresting. If I never published it then I could keep it all to myself and say, 'oh yeah it's fantastic you should totally read it' but then never have to account for it. I could just hide it away from the world and covet it like Gollum. The precious, yesssss.

But that is not now nor has that ever been who I am. My entire outlook on life borders on a slightly psychotic view of 'fuck it let's do this'. I texted my mom that I was scared to hit a button and release my novel into the world and her response was simply, "Don't be. This is what you love." And she is right. I don't care if it gets good reviews or bad. I don't care if one squatter in Malaysia is the only other person to order it besides me. I don't care if I never get picked up and have to print all my books myself with a Gutenberg press because I'm old-school like that. Like it or not, if I could only do one thing for the rest of my life then I want it to be writing. And if I have to write on paper napkins while making hamburgers at McDonald's, then that's what I'm going to do. Day jobs are day jobs and I'm ok with that if I get to do what I love in my free time.

For all of you fellow writers out there, then I guess this is my sort of insane advice. Write. A lot. Like an absolutely fuck-ton. And send it to people. To all kinds of people, even the ones you know are going to hate it. And if you know an agent then totally blow them to get published because I assume that is way easier to do that doing it yourself. But if you don't....then fuck it, do it yourself. You have words. You want to share them with the world. We can do that now, on our own. And if no one else reads your words except some homeless squatter in Malaysia, then count it as a victory.