I'm totally not dead

For reals. It's been awhile. And progress has been amazingly slow mostly because life is kind of odd. I got distracted by things like: coming to terms with the fact that according to the state I am disabled, figuring out that the state will actually help me get a job because I am disabled, working out like a fiend to try and not be so disabled, willing nerves to grow faster, playing video games and watching movies with boyfriend who is okay with the fact that I have a cane, giving advice to no less than three couples who have broken up despite having no qualifications to give advice on relationships, and also I decided I want to buy a fish. That's random but I found a fish bowl while cleaning my room (another thing I did instead of write) and decided it should be a home for a fish. Even though I have a cat. Who may eat it. Or at least mess with it enough to give it a tiny fish heart attack. But hopefully he will do neither of these things because then I'd be a fish murderer and mostly I just want a fish.

But honestly I write best when I am upset. When I got dumped, I started book one. And loved it. Because it was totally my escape. My life was shitty because my emotions were just wrecked so I wrote and wrote and wrote and could disappear for awhile. Currently, despite the fact that I am still technically partially paralyzed (there's such a thing as partial paralysis I swear), I am really happy. I like my life. It isn't shitty emotionally or even physically and so I have no need of an escape.

This is the test then of actually writing. I have to force myself to do it even if I'm NOT doing it to hide from the real world. Or doing it sneakily on my breaks during work because then it's like they're paying me to write a book on their time. I also have to find a job, move out, live independently. And honestly, ALL of these things are important. I suppose if I had to prioritize it'd go job, move out, live independent, write a lot. But writing is kind of the one thing I can do on my own without any requirements (aka I don't need a job to write). So....it boils down to I need to get back to some serious fantasy writing work. If only because I want to know how the series ends.